alesbianwriter

And as heaven opened it’s doors to me,
there she stood,
an angel before my eyes.

And she came to me,
she took my hand,
led me off to her secret place amongst the clouds,
where she was safe,
where I was safe,
and life continued on.

The clouds.

They were so soft they seemed,
I remember them well.

As I laid my body down atop them,
and my Dea,
my Anthonia,
my winter’s dream,
these fictional characters wandered through my mind.

This heaven,
it seemed to good to be true.

“I have an angel,” I kept repeating to myself,
over and over again,
and as that single tear rolled down upon my cheek,
I prayed to God this woman,
my Arizona,
would love me forever.

Anjelic harmonies filled the sky this day,
with heavenly tunes of peace and love.

I had found my sanctuary.
Yes?
No?

Swords were drawn.
A line was formed.
The knowing that these angels,
my angel,
would fight for me made me calm.

It relaxed me.

She relaxed me.

The angel’s,
their movement,
the knowing,
echoed loudly,
the sound of their swords,
the metal upon metal,
clashing my enemies.
“We were winning,” I told myself.
“It seems to be have been meant to be.”

I saw this.

Their love,
her love,
appearing as if it was one that would mesmerize the toughest of souls,
wear them down through the beauty of the knowing,
and as she fought,
they fought,
I succumbed to the loving.

The defenses were drawn.
My defenses.

She battled her way thru,
she had not stopped and here we were,
eye to eye,
steadfast and strong.

Such a beauty to low and behold I told myself,
and she wants what from me?

To quite simply love me.

What a concept.

It took you in,
the circumference of it’s aura.

It enveloped you,
grabbed ahold of you,
settled your soul.
There she lay,
her body next to mine,
and as we laid there,
my hand in hers,
the softness of her skin,
I remember it the most,

I finally knew God had blessed me,
had given me this one chance.

All of those years of trying,
and wanting,
and hurting,
and beginning,
and forgiving,
and fighting within my own self,
of the wrongings and misdeeds of others,
now lay aside,
partialities to thr fact of the knowing.

My trusting of words,
denying the actions of others lay on the line,
many a starry night beforehand seem obsolete.

I has wandeed and walked about,
questioning actions,
but no more I finally realized.

This was it.

My one time chance.

I knew it.

Felt it.

I wanted this.

The reasoning,
that at that time,
due to just cause emotions that needed explanations,
and my acceptance of the consequences of each and everyone of them.

They seemed to be inconsequential.
As I looked again over at my angel,
I knew my fight was worth it,
that my convictions held steadfast and true.

“Angel,” I said as I broke the serenity of the moment.

“You love me,”
“This I am beginning to believe.”

“For four days now,” I say aloud as the clouds,
the sunlight shining throughout them,
passing by,
seeming to be smiling down upon me.

“You have called me your wife.”

“My heart,” I continue on to say.

“Each and every new day I awake,
with the knowing, and the wondering if you will stay by my side,
and as each and every new day ends,
you are still here.”

“You are like a dream to me,” I continue on,
“Such a beauty for my eyes to see,”
“Such a love for my heart to feel,”
“Such a truism of honesty I have never felt before.”

“I would never break your trust,” I say to her as the clouds continue on in their merry way.

“No matter what the circumstances, I would never break your trust.”

This angel,
amongst the frailness of the clouds,
the birth of their moments it brings me.

She has taken ahold of me,
and I can’t shake it,

I dare not try to,
for who can say no to a heaven’s angel?

Not I.

I don’t want to.

I relish in the knowing,
in the needing of,
in the wanting of this angel.

I am just so overwhelmed,
in the knowing of the possibility of this angel loving me.

The clouds,
the breeze of the sombre wind,
a midnite trist to the water’s edge,
her touch,
her kiss,
the beating of her heart in my hand.

I wouldn’t trade this feeling for anything in the world.

I love you 2.

The thoughts that transpired themselves within my mind as I watched the airplane leaving it’s white mark, pass by below me, drove me further.
The ever lasting blue that existed between the clouds that I jumped to and from never really scared me, nor took away from my desire to jump further and higher, till all that I could see was the beauty of clouds beneath me.

Finally my legs grew tired.
I so needed to rest, because cloud jumping wears upon one’s body, and as the sun shone down upon me, as I lay upon this puffy bed ever so high in the sky, an angel appeared above from out of nowhere before my eyes.

“I have been looking for you,” she called out to me as she descended upon my cloud.
“I have searched mountain tops, on lands both far and near in hopes I would find you.”

She took a step forth towards where I now sat.

“I had asked my friends of the sea to help me find you,” she continued on.
“They swam to distant shores as well, asking people of these lands if anyone had seen you, possibly by chance had passed you by, along those out-of-the-way paths you always seem to venture upon.”

I felt as if I was a million miles away from myself  here snuggled amidst the softness of my cloud and this angel, as I looked at her in amazement, had begun to tell me about myself.
How did she know me?
I shook my head in disbelief but didn’t shy away.
I just sat there, upon my cloud and continued to listen as she spoke thru the softness of her angelic voice to me.

“Uncertainity to unfamiliarity as if walking thru a darkened tunnel with no torch does not scare you.”
Thoughts, words, actions of others neither provokes nor penetrates thru your hardened shield created by yesterdays lovers, nor does it seem that anyone can climb the wall that stands so tall hiding the fortress you now hide within called your soul.”

She looked at me with this sensual gleam in her eye.
She continued to speak.
“No one, no one that is, until now. But it is I that have your utmost attention do I not?”

I was taken aback with her boldness, her surety of whom I was supposed to be.
Her definitive supposition of my supposed essence in her words caused a stir in me and as I began to stand and wanting to leave the security of my cloud grew within me, she put forth her hand upon my shoulder and said ” Stop.”
“Don’t dare look at me that way nor think for one moment I will let you go now,” she said

With a gentle pushing with her wing upon my shoulders, I fell back down to the spot that I had been sitting in for so long.

“You know I am right,” she boldly spoke aloud.
“You know I have got you now.”

This laugh that emitted forth from her lips, rang loudly throughout the sky, echoing definitively from one cloud to the next.

I was so utterly mesmerized by this angel with flowing locks of a deepened brown and eyes to match, i dare not speak.
It was as if I was in a trance, a state of being so unfamiliar to myself.

“And when you are gone from the world down below,” the words she next spoke unto me, “Will people remember you? Do you want them to remember you, and if you do, just how will you accomplish this feat?” she asked of me.
“Just how or what are you planning to leave behind as your legacy?”

“My legacy,” I questioned myself aloud.
I thought for a moment.
“My legacy, I suppose, will be my writings of course. My thoughts, ideas, notions. My existance can be felt thru my writings.”

The angel looked suprised, as if this game of cat and mouse had now turned in my favour.

She now stepped towards me where I sat on my cloud and knelt down beside me.
Into my ear she whispered, “Yes. That is the answer I was hoping that you would say.”

She took her angel’s wing and pulled me close to her.
My head, held by the strength of her angel’s wing and my hands that she placed together in my lap, held captive by the other, caused me to feel as if an imprisonment of sorts.

She leaned into me and kissed me softly.
I felt my insides awaken.

“To be kissed by an angel,” I thought.
It was the only notion that ran thru my mind.
As our eyes stayed locked to each other’s, and the passion of the kiss intensified, she slowly pushed me down further with the gentle force of her body upon mine, till I lay outstretched upon that billowy cloud with her body atop of mine.

Above my head she drew forth her angel’s wings and gave me a harbinger of safety beneath them.

I now lay prisoner to the moment, unwilling to relinquish her hold upon my soul.

For three days forwards, she had me believing that I lay with her, ever so high, in a place commonly representative as of being a heaven.
She fed me the sweetest of fruits, allowed me the finest of heaven’s nectar.
She listened to my every thought, pleased my every desire.
The words, “May I,” and “Can I,”  2 phrases so unfamiliar to me it seems she spoke often and without pretense, and when it was time for me to leave, she rolled to her left, lifted her angel’s wings and unveiled to me where she had taken me, to where we both now layed.

It was a heaven.
It was her heaven.
At that moment her heaven seemed real.

“Do you like what you see,” she asked of me.

I replied, “Yes.”

“Would you like to come visit me again then, now that I know I have found you?”

“I don’t know,” I replied, “but I have to go.”

I leaned in to her, kissed her one more time.
I stood to my feet, turned away and jumped onto the arriving cloud that floated below me.

Downwards I continued to jump, stopping only one time to look back at the angel that now stood so way high in the clouds above me.

I thought to myself, “Maybe I will venture back this way again,” and as I awaited the next cloud to pass by beneath me, I heard her voice calling out down to me.
“I know you will.”

It caught me off guard, made me hesitant and for a split second I froze.
And then there was the only sound of the cloud blowing beneath my feet.

I jumped to the next cloud and then to the next until I could see the wing’s of the dove that I originally rode upon to begin my quest, three days beforehand.

Now, as I await the coming of a new dawn, I think back to that angel that found me.
I think back to her place called heaven.
“Yes, maybe I will,” I tell myself.
“Maybe.”

As I began to drift off into another night’s slumber, exhausted from my day’s off adventure, I swear I could feel the arms of that angel around me,
pulling me close,
body to body.

I slept.